im just tired...

so i dont know whats going on with me right now... i feel as if i might be depressed but dont know y... i feel like everything i do is an act to keep everyone from seeing whats really going on but as the days go in i think people are starting to see it, they ask me if i am ok or whats wrong but i have no awser for them... i feel lost... i feel on edge. i feeel i want to do something crazy just to piss people off to show them i am not a perfect lil girl who has everything figured out. that even thoe i am kaydra fischer and i have it all and life is good, i have an amazing boyfriend who loves me a family like no other on earth a dancce family who i trust and love a church family who has my back i still feel alone in it all. i wonder somethimes what it would feel like to drive my car off the rode, i wonder if that would heal all the pain but i never would cuz i know i have so much to live for and i know how many people i would hurt if i did...


im just tired...

the mask i wear...

do you ever feel like who you are and who people think you are are two different people?
like your whole life you have know what to say, how to act, and what to do to make people believe what you feel they expect from you?
people have an image of me or at least i feel like they have an image of me and sometimes living up to the image is really hard. i feel like everyone around me is watching me cuz "kaydra fischer" can do no wrong. but truth is i am so messed up they have no idea!!! i have just learned really well how to hid it cuz i have done it my whole life. i feel everyone thinks i have it together, i got life all figured out but truth is i am hanging on by a thread. i hope everyday that i will make it through not breaking the mask i wear so people dont see what i really am.

i am a Christan and i do love God and i know he love me but most days thats all i know and nothing more.